


Secret Epiphanies

by ghostiewriter101



Category: Fate: The Winx Saga (TV), Winx Club
Genre: Also talk about injuries, And blood and battles, Angst, F/M, I have no regrets on how I portrayed Sam, Riven is a stubborn idiot, Rivusa, Rivusa supremacy, Sorry Not Sorry, fluff at the end, some violence in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29167608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostiewriter101/pseuds/ghostiewriter101
Summary: In which Riven is forced to reconsider his relationship with Musa after a mission goes wrong. And in classic Riven fashion, he handles it horribly.
Relationships: Musa/Riven (Fate: The Winx Saga)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 237





	Secret Epiphanies

**Author's Note:**

> so this is the first (of probably many) Rivusa fics cause I am such a hoe for them and I’m falling back into my childhood obsession with them🤡any who, hope the three other people who ship this with me enjoy!!

Riven didn’t have many regrets.

He had made some questionable decisions in his life, too many too count truly. He was notoriously stubborn and hot-headed and it usually led him down the wrong path time and time again. But he was lucky. He always found his way back, always shoved back to the light. It was difficult to have regrets when you knew, deep down, that everything would end up fine.

Except, this time he might not have a chance to redeem his mistakes.

This wasn’t him being dragged down the wrong path by Beatrix or having his mind twisted by Rosalind into becoming one of her little lackeys. This wasn’t a situation where Sky or anyone could knock some sense into him, where he could take a step back and realise what a shit person he was being and try to redeem himself.

This wasn’t one of those situations because the person he wanted to make up to the most was now on her deathbed and Riven wasn’t even sure she would make it through the next few hours, let alone long enough for him to admit to what an ass he had been.

He wouldn’t be able to apologise for the fact she was on that deathbed because of _him._

The memory played in his head like a broken record as he rushed into the school, screaming for people to move out the way and to get some help instead of being useless twats. He swore that as he carried Musa through those doors, the feeling of her blood soaking his clothes and the life slowly being drained from her, that it would be a memory that would haunt him for his entire life. No matter what the outcome, seeing her in his arms looking so pale and unlively and…un-Musa like would plague his nightmares for years to come.

Just like the memory of seeing her fall to the ground would be burned into his mind.

“There’s too many, we have to separate them!” He heard Sky scream from somewhere behind him, but Riven was a little too preoccupied with the Burned One in front of him that was relentless no matter how many times he and the other specialists drove a sword through it.

“This would be a pretty good time for that fancy little fire trick, Bloom!” Riven gritted out between his clenched teeth, a groan of frustration as he swung again and again at the damning creature and yet it seemed unfazed.

“I-I can’t! There is too many!” The redhead called out, she was positioned right next to Sky, fighting side by side like the perfect duo. In training, their moves were synchronised and harmonious, and in battle they were just the same.

“You took six down last time!” Stella yelled between the screeching of the creatures and clashes of metal.

“There is a little more than six this time!”

“We have to retreat!”

“More just keep appearing!”

“It’s an ambush!”

“RIVEN!”

The memory of her scream—so raw and brutal—echoed in his mind as he turned just in time to see the claw of a Burned One coming down on him, just in time to see Musa throw herself between them.

“NO!” His sword clanked against the ground, his arms instantly reaching for her as she fell back, her lips parted in a silent scream as she stared up at him with wide eyes. He could only guess what she was feeling—pain, terror, anxiety or maybe his overwhelming fear as his eyes glanced down to see the large slashes against her abdomen, her protective armour now completely shredded and stained in her blood.

“No, no, no, no.” The words passed his lips like a mantra, one hand holding the back of her head whilst the other hovered over her injuries, his whole body hyperventilating. This couldn’t be happening. Not her, anyone but her.

“Riven, get her out of here!”

The command seemed to have snapped him out of his frozen state, whispered apologies passing his lips, groans and whimpers and incoherent babbles coming from Musa as he picked her up. His mind was blurred with too many thoughts to even acknowledge the burn in his muscles as he ran back to the school, back to the safety of the barrier.

“Stay awake, Musa.” He huffed out like a demand he would give the younger specialists during training. “You better fucking stay awake.”

He snuck a glance down at her, the words getting caught in his throat when he noticed her eyes were starting to roll to the back of her head.

_fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_

He didn’t even want to think about how much pain she was in, how she was losing control of her powers, slipping. How she was probably unable to block out everyone around her as she usually is, how for the first time in his whole damn life he wished he was a fairy and that he could do something to help her.

He burst through the doors, ignoring the distressed looks on the students he passed as he made his way to the main foyer.

“SOMEONE HELP! SHE HAS BEEN INFECTED BY A BURNED ONE!” He yelled out desperately, some of the people around him having frozen at the sight of the injured fairy in his arms, her blood practically staining his hands and chest.

“CAN YOU ALL STOP STANDING AROUND LIKE THE FUCKING USELESS WANKERS YOU ARE AND FUCKING MOVE! SHE’S—” But Riven could bring himself to complete the sentence, the words trailing off his lips.

_She’s dying. Musa was dying._

Things started to blur together. The voices and noises drowning out as he stared at the fairy in his arms, subconsciously biting down on his lower lip in an attempt to stop it from trembling—though he wasn’t sure if that was because he wanted to yell at everyone in that damn room that wasn’t doing whatever they fucking could to save Musa or because maybe the sight of her actually made him want to cry.

 _You don’t cry, Riven._ He thought to himself. _You don’t fucking cry. She’s going to be fine._

He didn’t remember clearly when Professor Harvey arrived on the scene until he was being directed towards the greenhouse, quickly placing Musa down on the steel table that was now in the middle of the room. He barely cared about the other people around him, his fists clenching the side of the table as he spoke in a low whisper.

“C’mon, Musa. Don’t be fucking stubborn, it’s not the time.”

He felt someone place a hand on his shoulder and, on instinct, he ripped his body from the person, his hand reaching out to grip and twist the person’s hand. He turned to see the hand belonged to none other than Sam Harvey.

“Lay a hand on me again, mate, and the next wall you go through is the one I punch you through.” He spat.

“You can’t be in here,” Sam spoke up, his voice just as bitter and cold as Riven’s. “If you can’t help, then leave.”

“And what? Leave her with you, you little perv?” He huffed out, a dry laugh following.

“Would you just shut the fuck up and listen to someone for once in your life? You can’t be in here.” Sam retorted, pulling his hand out of Riven’s grasp.

“No, you listen to me, you little—”

“Riven!” Another voice interjected, but Riven continued to glare at the fairy in front of him, even when Sky stopped between them.

“Let them do their job.” Sky muttered lowly. Riven spending a few more moments scowling at Sam before he let Sky lead him out the greenhouse.

Riven finally looked over to the blond, noticing he was still in his protective armour, sword and daggers strapped on and ready to go. _Perfect,_ he thought. _The hunt is still on._

Riven made his way to push past Sky and head back to the armoury where he could stock up before he could head out again, except the blond was yanking him back before he even had a chance to take a few steps.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Sky hissed.

“Where do you _think_ I’m going? That little bastard is still out there and I plan to kill him with my own two bloody hands.” Raven gritted out between clenched teeth.

“Riven, you’re not going.”

“Watch me, pretty boy.”

“Riven, you’re unstable.” The blond stated bluntly. “If you go out there in this state you will just get yourself in the same position as Musa, or worse, killed. You’re staying here.”

“I’d like to see you fucking stop me.” He countered.

“That was an order, Riven. You’re sitting this mission out.” Sky said in an oddly calm voice.

“Really?” Riven laughed dryly. “You are pulling the rank card?”

“You are not coming, Riven. You’re too emotional.”

“I’m not emotional! I’m fine, Sky! Fucking fine!” Riven exclaimed, chest heaving as he glared at the blond in front of him, the one that was stopping him from wringing that Burned One’s neck with his bare hands.

“I’m sorry.” And with that, Sky headed back to the group that were accumulating at the border of the barrier so they could continue their hunt for the Burned Ones, most likely taking a bigger team with them this time. Riven glared at his departing figure, a variety of colourful words in his mind that he wished to call out to his friend before deciding against such.

Suddenly, the most bone-chilling scream echoed through the west wing.

Riven’s eyes clenched shut, his back turned away from the greenhouse as the screams only seemed to continue. Screams of pain and agony and desperation for it all to stop. Screams that seemed to rack through his body and hit him right in the soul. Screams that left an uncomfortable shiver down his back and his whole body tensed up.

_Musa’s screams._

He staggered back a few steps until his body hit the wall, sliding down until he was sat on the stone floor. It seemed the anger he had burning in him only moments ago was completely gone, like the screams had ripped it out of him. He felt the last few hours catch up on him, felt just how exhausted and drained he was. And though that anger remained somewhere deep within him, the one that wanted so desperately kill the monster that was the cause of this pain, Riven felt his body go limp.

His hands ran through his hair, tugging at the roots as he listened to her cries and howls. He didn’t even care that his clothes and hands were stained with blood, that the pungent metallic smell was overwhelming and nauseating. He looked like a wreck. He _felt_ like a wreck.

But Riven couldn’t bring himself to care as he sat there, eyes shut and head against the wall of the greenhouse, feeling so utterly useless in that moment. He couldn’t stop her pain, couldn’t do that fancy wee trick she can and take some of her pain. He can’t do anything but sit there and relive the memories of hours ago, the last time they had actually spoken. The fight they had still fresh and haunting in his mind.

_“We don’t have confirmation on the number, only that there is a pack of them and they are moving their way through neighbouring villages quickly.” Silva informed the group, his voice strong and commanding as usual._

_“Maybe we should send a smaller team to evaluate, get a better look on what we are dealing with.” Sky spoke up, his lips turned down in a frown—his thinking face, Riven noted. He almost looked double of Silva in that moment._

_“A visionary group could still be attacked,” Professor Harvey pointed out, shaking his head slightly before he removed his glasses to clean them with a small handkerchief. “And we can’t risk anymore casualties. This lot have already rampaged through two villages in the last three days.”_

_“Sky, you’ll be leading the team.” Silva stated._

_“Yes, Sir.” He nodded before the group was excused, heading towards the armoury where they could suit up for the mission ahead of them. Riven gave Silva one last nod of respect before he followed the others._

_As he entered the armoury, his eyes glanced over the team they would be taking out beyond the barrier. He noted a few specialists he had briefly interacted with during training, standing alongside their fairy counterpart. He noticed Sky near the back of the room, slipping some daggers into his leg holsters as he whispered quietly to Bloom. He noticed her little friend group of fairies were also there: Stella and Terra and Aisha and…Musa?_

_Riven isn’t sure what he would peg his relationship with Musa as, although from the lot of them she was the one he could actually tolerate. She was feisty and quick-witted and always kept him on his toes, and he can admit that he quite liked it. It did freak him out that she was a mind fairy, that idea that she could sense things that even he didn’t really understand or comprehend left him on-edge around her. But through all the little scooby missions Sky had dragged him on, Riven would say that he didn’t mind her so much anymore. She liked the silence as much as he did, and she never really pushed or prodded him with questions like the others did. And he returned the favour to her._

_Maybe in an alternative universe, you could say that Riven considered Musa his friend, one of the few he has other than Sky. But they weren’t in an alternative universe. This was reality and the reality was the no matter what Riven considered his relationship to be with Musa, to her he would be nothing but an acquaintance. Or so he assumed. He wasn’t like her, he couldn’t just jump in her head and see what she was thinking. She was a strong fairy, and she had told him that she had started training in with Headmistress Dowling in private lessons to help hone her skill. She was growing stronger as the days passed._

_But as strong as she was, this was not the kind of mission a mind fairy should be on._

_“What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?” He hissed as he approached where she was standing, shrugging on one of the thick protective jackets over the shirt she was already wearing._

_She looked up at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean? I’m getting ready, what else does it look like I’m doing?”_

_“No I mean,” He let out a small sigh, lowering his voice. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing coming on this mission?”_

_“I’m a part of the team, Riven. Catch up.”_

_“You can’t go on this mission.” He stated, arms crossed over his chest._

_She looked at him, eyebrow cocked in interest. “Oh really. Says who?”_

_“Says me.”_

_She watched him closely, eyes narrowed slightly before they flashed a bright purple. Slowly, a smirk grew on her lips. “Aw, you’re worried about me.”_

_He let out a dismissive huff. “No, I just think it’s stupid for you to go on this mission when you aren’t trained for offense. Your speciality is defence.”_

_“You need defence in a battle too, Riven,” She countered. “Plus, I actually have been practising some offensive techniques with Dowling. I might be able to get through the Burned Ones into the mind of the person within them.”_

_“Emphasis on might.” He retorted with a frown._

_She rolled her eyes. “I don’t have time for this.” She muttered before she turned back to strap on one of the weapon sashes over her chest, but his hand on her wrist stopped her._

_“I’m serious, Musa. This isn’t some stupid little stimulation, this is the real thing.” He said to her, his voice low. “And it’s no place for a mind fairy.”_

_Her jaw clenched. “I think you forget I am more than just my powers, Riven.”_

_“Yeah, you’re a bloody idiot too if you think some dance training in going to help you against the Burned Ones.” He replied, matching the intensity of the glare she was sending him._

_“I get you are worried—”_

_“I’m not worried.”_

_“Then, piss off. I’m going, Riven.” She stated confidently._

_“Look, we have a job to do. I can’t exactly fight those bastards and run after to protect you at the same time.”_

_Her lips pressed together before she ripped her wrist from his grasp. “I can protect myself.”_

_“Oh really?” He muttered, leaning his face down towards her. “And how will you do that? Talk to the Burned Ones and discuss their little feelings and hope they give you a quick death for your counselling services? Or better yet, why not wave a big stick at them and hope it scares them off!”_

_“You’re an arsehole.” She spat, shaking her head. Her eyes flashed purple once again, and Riven waited for her to come up with some witty response about how she could probably kick his ass with that stick. He waited for something, anything. But she never did, instead she just pushed past him, knocking her shoulder against his._

_“Hey, we aren’t done here.” He called out after her, now aware that some of the others in the room were staring at them, watching them._

_“I’m done, Riven. I’m going, end of discussion.” And with that, she continued walking until she eventually left the room._

_“You’ll be thanking me later when I save your ass and you realise I was right!” He called out behind her but she was already gone, and he was left with his fists clenched in frustration and multiple pairs of eyes on him._

_“What are you staring at?” He snapped, glaring at the room, his chest heaving up and down quickly. “Mind your fucking business.” And with that, Riven stormed off._

Riven’s head snapped up when he felt someone shaking his shoulder, his body tense and on edge and ready to attack whatever had just touched him. Except he didn’t have any weapons on him in that moment and the person wasn’t a threat.

“Sorry, thought you were asleep.” Professor Harvey apologised with a sheepish smile.

Riven gave him an odd look, one that articulated his bafflement about the professor’s assumption. As if he would be able to sleep to sleep through _that_. “Is she—”

“Musa is fine,” He assured the young specialist, giving him a comforting pat on his shoulder. Riven didn’t bother shoving him off this time. “She is getting some well needed rest right now. But we managed to slow down the infection.”

Riven’s heart dropped to his stomach when he realised the screams hadn’t stopped because they had successfully killed the Burned One, but because she was knocked out from the pain or whatever sedative they had given her.

“Oh.”

Harvey’s eyes glanced over Riven’s appearance with a sad smile. “She will be out for a while, you should probably go clean up while you have the chance.”

He instantly started shaking his head. “No, I-I need to stay here—”

“Riven,” Harvey spoke in a softer but firmer voice. “She will be okay. Take care of yourself first.”

He glanced down at his attire. His clothes were crumpled and wrinkled, dried with blood and sweat. His hands were stained with blood, dirt under his nails. His hair was dishevelled and messy and darkened with blood from the amount of times he ran his hands through his hair. He knew he probably looked like shit, he felt like shit too. But he had been so wrapped up in making sure that _she_ was okay that he hadn’t taken a moment to consider what a state he was.

So, he nodded to his professor, wincing a little as he stood up from the position he had been sat in for the last few hours before he made his way back to his dorm. He could feel the lingering stares and the hushed whispers as he passed but Riven didn’t even have it within him to snap at them. He just kept walking and walking until he eventually reached the specialists dorms.

The second the door shut behind him, he began to peel the clothes off his skin and when that was taking too long, he resulted to ripping and tugging them off as quickly as could. They were ruined anyways, and he didn’t fancy keeping them around as a memory. He would probably burn them later.

He trudged into the bathroom, washing as much of the blood off in the sink as he could before he hopped into the shower. For a moment, Riven let himself finally relax. He let the boiling water pour down on him and just let it engulf him and his thoughts. He closed his eyes, trying to just give himself a few moments of peace.

But the memories of Musa jumping in front of the Burned One and her screams echoing in his brain drowned out the shower and everything else around him.

_Musa. Musa. Musa._

She was all he could think about and it was driving him up the wall. He just felt guilty, that it should’ve been him that got hit but she had stupidly thrown herself in front of the creature like some damn self-sacrificial hero. He hated it. He hated that she did that. He hated that she played the hero or even felt the need to. He hated that he knew he would’ve done the same thing for her in a heartbeat. He hated it. He hated it. He hated it.

Riven stayed in the shower until finally the water running down the drain wasn’t stained pink. And only then did he find himself forcing his body out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist as he headed back into the main room.

His heart sunk once again when he noticed Sky’s bed was still made and untouched. He wasn’t back yet. They were still out there hunting for the Burned Ones. Musa was still in danger.

He didn’t waste much more time in his dorm after that, slipping on some sweatpants and a t-shirt before he quickly headed towards the greenhouse, clean and cared for and ready to stick around until she wakes up.

It was just his luck that he bumped into the last person he wanted to see in that moment.

Sam _fucking_ Harvey. Again.

“Watch where you’re going, wanker.” Riven huffed out, but even then it sounded a little half-hearted for it to truly match his usual insults.

“Watch yourself.” The fairy replied, puffing his chest out slightly. He stood up straighter than before, almost like he was trying to seem bigger and more intimidating. But Riven truly didn’t care nor did he have time for this. Right now, Sam was in his way towards the greenhouse and his patience was running thin.

“Get out of my way.”

“She needs rest, not someone to piss her off or challenge her to a little verbal spar.” Sam commented, arms now crossed over his chest as he glared at Riven.

“Musa’s awake?” His voice a little softer than before, barely noticeable.

“She is,” Sam stated. “And she doesn’t need visitors like you to disturb or bother her.”

“Well, that really isn’t your decision to make, mate.” Riven countered, a small smirk tugging on his lips. “You aren’t her boyfriend, Sam. Not anymore.”

“Well, you aren’t either. You never were.” Same retorted, finding some pride when he saw whatever smirk that was growing on Riven’s face dropped instantly. “And for the record, we decided to stay friends. Friends help keep assholes away from their friends.”

“Oh, please! She only said that because it was a nice way to break up with your sorry ass. No girl means it when she says she wants to stay friends.” Riven scoffed, not letting Sam see how much the last comment had really gotten under his skin. It didn’t sit well with him that it bothered him so much. Sam was right. He wasn’t her boyfriend. But he was _at least_ her acquaintance/battle partner, surely that counted for something more than a clingy ex-boyfriend. “Get lost, mate. You don’t control her life, get over yourself.”

With that, Riven didn’t waste any more of his time amusing the young fairy and instead continued his way down to the greenhouse. He paused for a few seconds, his hand hovering over the door as he contemplated knocking or not, as he contemplated whether or not she even wanted to see him.

“I can sense you lingering.” She called out from inside. “Just get your ass in here already.”

Riven cleared his throat, slipping in and closing the door behind him. He glanced over and much to his surprise, she was sat on a huge armchair that clearly didn’t fit the greenhouse décor. She also had a running IV drip on one side, and a table with tea set up on it on the other side. In all honesty, she didn’t look great. But she looked much more alive and that was enough to somewhat reassure Riven that she was fine.

“You look cosy.” He commented, standing there with his hands shoved into the pockets of his sweatpants. God, he was the epitome of awkward. This wasn’t Raven. Usually he was smooth and suave and able to go with flow. Now he was rendered to some speechless buffoon who doesn’t even know where to begin with his apology.

“I think it’s from Dowling’s office,” She noted with a casual shrug. “Clearly they just want the dying girl to feel a bit special.” She attempted to joke, but the second she was hit with a wave of instant regret, she knew she made the wrong decision.

“I—” Riven paused, watching as she stared at him with those eyes of her—her brown eyes, her natural ones, the ones that he preferred. The words were there, on the tip pf his tongue but now, standing here in front of her, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“It’s okay,” She whispered with a soft smile, her eyes flashing purple as she watched him carefully. “I don’t blame you.”

“You should.” He stated simply. But Musa simply shook her head before nodding down at the bench that was across from her. He took a seat.

“It was my decision, Riven.” She said in a voice that was soft but not necessarily pitying. It was comforting. “But hey, looks like I was the one protecting you.” She added lightly but he only let out a bitter laugh.

“Stop…stop joking about this. Stop acting like you’re okay because you’re not!” He snapped.

“Riven, I am—”

“No! No you’re not, Musa! You are dying!” Deep down he felt an uncomfortable tug in his gut as he finally spoke the words he had been avoiding for so long. “Stop pretending that everything is okay! It’s not. It’s really fucking not.”

Musa shrunk back in her seat, a little shocked by his sudden outburst. In the time she had gotten to know Riven, more so in the last few months especially, she never knew him as the type to be erratic with his emotions. He preferred to keep himself closed off, controlling what parts people saw and hiding what he didn’t want them to see. It was a little more difficult with her, considering she was an empath. He had a mental shield up, one of pure stubbornness and determination, and though it didn’t stop her powers completely—it did make it a little harder.

But she had never seen him like this. So hysterical and uneasy. She had never seen him be so vulnerable with his feelings, practically feeling them wash over without even having to try. She could feel the distress and the guilt and the worriment and the agitation. She could feel it all.

“Riven, just stop.” She murmured, and against her better judgement she pushed herself onto her feet. His eyes widen as he instantly stood up and took a step, grabbing her arms before she stumbled forwards, watching as she pressed her lips together to hold back the wincing.

“Musa—” But she quickly interrupted him.

“No, let me talk.” She huffed out, her hands gripping his forearms for support. “I don’t regret jumping in front of you, alright? I care about my friends, Riven, and I care about you.”

Riven’s lips parted a little in surprise. Throughout their weird and complicated relationship, there was never a confirmation on what they were. Between the snarky banter and the lasting looks between each other, they never felt the need to put a label on it. Not when Musa defended him to others and not when his hand lingered a little too long and a little too low for them to be _true_ ‘acquaintances’. It never came up in topic and never brought up between them, so what was the point of it, really? They were both comfortable with what they had, both a little too unfavourable towards change. They liked what they had and they didn’t want anything ruining it.

But the second Riven heard the word ‘ _friends’_ leave her lips, he felt that horrible hollow feeling in his stomach. He felt like he had been winded, like someone had sucked all the air out of him and now he was struggling to breathe or think or even move. He just stared at her. Because he knew why it bothered him so much. Because he knew why he felt like someone had just ripped his heart out. And when he saw Musa’s eyes flash purple for a few seconds, a part of him dreaded that she knew too.

That she knew he wanted to be way more than just her friend, that he wanted to be able to do so much more with her than whatever being her _friend_ would include.

In an instant, Riven was ripping himself away from Musa, the impact of such a sudden movement causing her to fall back onto the armchair with a small ‘oomph’. Riven staggered back, running a hand through his hair and tugging on the roots, unable to even meet her gaze before he muttered a half-hearted ‘get well soon’ before rushing towards the exit.

“Riven—” She called out but it was useless, he was already gone, leaving Musa alone in the greenhouse with the overwhelming stench of anxiety and desire in the air around her.

It took the team three days to hunt down the Burned One that injured Musa and kill it. They were cutting it a little too close for Riven’s liking, he overheard Harvey telling Dowling how they were burning a hole in their supply of Zanbaq. They had basically kept her on high doses of the drug to slow the infection down, considering such a large wound and high levels of toxins were in her body. He also heard that she was recovering well, the poison almost gone other than a small remaining doses and the wound on fast track to be completely healed. She was doing well considering the severity of her injuries, he had also heard.

But all of this was just information he had heard—whether it be from his own eavesdropping or from Sky telling him—because he hadn’t seen, spoken to or even remotely interacted with Musa since that moment in the greenhouse a week ago.

A whole week. Seven days. 165 hours 40 minutes and 34 seconds.

That’s how long it had been since he had acknowledged his feelings. That’s how long it had been since he had been avoiding her.

It was easy at first, she was on bed-rest for a couple of days after they killing of the Burned One, regaining her strength and all. But then she was starting to walk around, head to her classes and do what any other student would be doing in Alfea. That is when things got difficult.

It seemed the universe enjoyed torturing Riven though, because every _damn_ corner he turned, she was there. Riven found himself taking shortcuts and delaying when he left for classes just to minimise the chances of bumping into her. He always made sure he was sparring whenever she made her rounds with Dowling just so he didn’t have to talk to her. He did his very best to cut Musa out of his life.

Even if it killed him a little inside to do so.

It was a whole week he avoided bumping into her.

It was a whole week until she started to actively look for him.

She had brushed it off as guilt at first. Possibly even a hit to his ego that she jumped in front of the Burned One to protect him. She tried to convince herself that it was just his toxic masculinity that was getting to his head and making him the usual stubborn Riven self who didn’t want help from anyone. She told herself that he just needed time, that their moment in the greenhouse wasn’t a big deal and that soon enough he would be running up to her, arm thrown around her shoulder as he made some ridiculously flirtatious comment that made her snort and gave her butterflies. She wanted things to return back to normal so badly.

It wasn’t until she saw the look on Sky’s face when she asked how he was doing that she realised Riven’s disappearance from her life wasn’t accidental, or a temporary change. He was purposefully avoiding her. She didn’t like the feeling of dread that washed over, she didn’t like that she knew full well that it belonged to no one but herself.

She found herself micro-analysing every single moment of their interaction, trying to desperately remember any small detail or mood shift or fluctuation that she hadn’t picked up on or that could explain his sudden distance from her. More specifically, she kept thinking about the moments before he stormed off, trying to understand and define the exact emotions swirling in his head at that moment. But the truth was that she was high on painkillers and exhaustion that she could barely remember half of the details from their encounter.

All she did know was that she had spent the last week without Riven in her life and she hated every long, dreadful moment of it. She wanted him back. She wanted her friend back.

She knew very well where he would be, or at least she had a sneaking suspicion. There were many places that Riven liked to hide off too, most of them notorious and well-known so people knew where to find him for any weed inquiries they had without being seen with him out in the open. But there were much fewer places in the school where Riven truly liked to hide away in, and even fewer people knew where they were. Musa just so happened to be one of those people.

Riven knew that. He knew that Musa would know exactly where he was, and he could’ve just as easily chosen a place where she didn’t know or wouldn’t even bother looking for him. But there was a part of him, that voice in the back of his head, that knew he wanted her to find him. That same part that craved for her presence, longed to hear his name roll off her tongue just one more time. He knew she would find him there, and he wanted that.

He sat in the arch, his eyes focused on the view beyond the window. The abandoned East Wing library was, surprisingly enough, not a well-known place in Alfea. Most students pegged these buildings to just be reserved for the war rooms and, now, for storage. But during his first term, Riven had stumbled upon the forgotten library and found peace within it. Large arch windows along the walls, opposite to the never-ending shelves of books that ran across the rest of the library. More than he had ever seen in his life, more than there was in the main school library.

It was old and the smell of dust was pungent. But it was quiet and secluded and he could escape to it whenever he wanted to and know very well that it would be empty. It was always just him and his thoughts here. And soon enough, she was there too.

He heard the squeaking of the doors when she entered, the small thump as she closed it behind her. His eyes never tore away from the window as he listened to her approaching footsteps before they stopped when she was beside him. Without a word, he shuffled along the ledge so she could sit opposite him, neither one of them saying anything for a while, just staring out the window.

“So this is where you always run off to.” Musa’s voice broke the silence, his body tensing for a short moment at the sudden intrusion from the quiet.

“Yeah.” A pathetic answer, he knew. But what do you say to the girl you wish to keep unbelievably close but also as far away from you at the same time?

“It’s…lonely.” He had forgotten just how much he missed that damn voice. “I like it.”

“Always knew you would.” He replied, and from the corner of his eye, he saw that she turned her head to finally look at him.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. She knew what he was doing, and Riven knew he couldn’t avoid her any longer.

“I have.” He admitted, his gaze shifting down to his hands on his lap rather than her, he doesn’t think he could deal looking at her just yet.

“Did…did I do something?” Her voice was so small and quiet that he almost missed it. For as long as he had known Musa, she was always on the ball. She was quick-witted and un-shamefully honest and never once did she let someone make her feel so unsure of herself. She held herself quite high, with a confidence that left people in awe. But now she sounded so uncertain, so unlike her usual self. “Or was it something I said?”

He took a deep breath, shaking his head. “You didn’t do anything, Musa.” He tried to reassure her but she wasn’t having it.

“Well then what is the issue?” She persisted, watching him carefully. She could feel the uneasiness rolling off him, she could sense the nerves. But it wasn’t because of her, that much she could tell. Not necessarily her presence at least, possibly her questioning. “Riven, I thought we were _at least_ friends—”

“Just shut up!” He snapped, finally looking up at her. Musa stared at him, lips slightly parted, looking appalled.

“What.” Her tone much harsher than before. Whatever softness and uncertainty she was speaking with was long gone now.

“Just…stop saying that. Stop calling us that.” He spat the words as though it pained him to say, as though they were like acid in his mouth. “Stop saying that word.”

“Saying what?” She pushed, her eyebrows slightly furrowed as she stared at him. _Anger. Bitterness. Displeasure._ They were so strong, overpowering the nerves she sensed moments ago.

He scoffed. “You know what.”

“No, I really don’t. Please, enlighten me.”

“You’re a mind fairy, work it out your- _fucking_ -self.” He replied quite bluntly.

He watched her closely as she stared right back, her eyes flashing purple. She tilted her head to the side, looking him up and down. He felt a shiver down his back, almost like he could feel an invisible hand in the back of his mind. Like he could feel it trail it’s nails down the mental shield he tried so hard to keep up, tapping it. Almost like it was looking for a weak spot, teasing him, letting him know that it would soon be able to see all his deepest and darkest secrets.

“Stay out of my _fucking_ head.” He spat at her.

“I’m a mind fairy, Riven. It’s what I do.” She retorted. He felt the invisible hand drag it’s nails down against his mental shield.

“I swear to—” He started but she quickly interrupted him.

“Friends.” She spoke up.

His body tensed up. “What?”

“That’s what bothered you so much,” She spoke once again, her eyes returning back to their normal colour. He couldn’t read her expression, he didn’t know what was going on in that head of hers and it was unsettling. “Being friends with me bothers you.”

He watched as a variety of emotions flashed in her eyes, so many that Riven just wished he could understand. Moments like these where he envied her powers, her abilities to just _know._ “I don’t have time for this.” He muttered before he pushed himself to stand up.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Because I called you my friend in the greenhouse?” She continued to press on, even as he slid off the ledge, grabbing his jacket that he had left slung over the back of a chair.

“Leave it, Musa.” He grunted.

“Are you _fucking_ serious?” She was persistent and awfully stubborn, there was no way she was just going to let him walk away from this, from her again. She had a week’s supply of him avoiding her, she wasn’t about to have any more than that. “I get that you like the whole ‘lone wolf’ vibe, Riven. That you think it makes you seem like some badass, but you can’t just go on by yourself. You can have friends, Riven. Having friends doesn’t make you weak or—”

“I don’t want to be your friend!” He exclaimed, turning to face her with his chest heaving up and down. “I can’t be your friend, alright? I can’t be like Bloom or Terra or Sky or even _fucking_ Sam! I can’t do that, not with you. I can’t hang around with you and smile and pretend everything is okay because I’m selfish, Musa. I am…so. Fucking. Selfish.”

Musa stared at him, thoughts racing and heart pounding. She wanted to open her mouth, to say something but she couldn’t find the words to speak. But that didn’t matter, because Riven wasn’t done yet. He opened the floodgates and now he was letting everything out.

“I am fucking selfish because I’d rather not be friends with you than put myself through that every day, having to pretend that it doesn’t fucking kill me inside that you’ll never see as more that that…than as a friend.” The last few words coming out a little breathless from all his yelling. “I can’t pretend I’m okay with just being friends because I know I’m not. Because I’m selfish, Musa, I want more than a friendship with you.”

“Riven…” She breathed out, his confession seeming to have grounded her a little.

“No, Musa, it’s fine.” He quickly interrupted, a pained and forced smile on his lips. “I…I know what you are going to say—”

“Riven—”

“—but I can’t hear you say it. Not yet.” His words a whisper tangled between them.

_Sadness. Acceptance. Embarrassment. Heartache. Bitterness._

Riven took her silence as an ‘okay’, his eyes glancing over her one last time as if he was trying to memorise her appearance, like he wouldn’t see her again after that. “I’m sorry, Musa.”

Her mind was a mess, thoughts and emotions and too many things to process completely overwhelming her. Each one of his words hit her and sank into her skin, it wasn’t something she was used to. Riven being so honest and open with his emotions. Maybe she should’ve felt shocked or surprised, but truthfully, Musa felt proud, honoured that it was a side she got to see of him, that even if it was in a fit of frustration and anger, he still opened up rather than covering his pain with humour or sarcastic comments or even alcohol. But then she was brought back to reality.

_I’m sorry._

And those words felt like a slap in the face, an acceptance of defeat, a confirmation that his insecurities about their relationship were true. That she would only see him as a friend and nothing more.

She didn’t give him a chance to do his broody walk-away moment, not giving him a chance to do much, to be honest, as she grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Riven stumbled back, another yank from Musa causing him to face her. They now stood chest-to-chest, faces inches away from each other and she could feel a wave of confusion wash over him.

“Musa—”

“Just shut up.” And before he even had a chance to react at her repetition of his words, her hands were grabbing each side of his face and pulling him down until his lips found hers.

For a few moments, Riven didn’t react. His brain was still taking a few seconds to catch up on what was happening, to process the fact this was real and not just some deranged figment of his imagination or crazed illusion. This was real. Musa was actually kissing him.

The next thing she knew he had one hand tangled in her hair and the other wrapped around her torso, desperately trying to bring her even closer to him. His lips moved feverishly against hers, weeks of built-up tension and longing were poured into the kiss. And as the seconds passed, Riven seemed to grow a little more confident with his actions, both hands lightly dragging down her back before they quickly hooked under her thighs, lifting her off the ground with ease. She hummed against his lips, a smile tugging on her lips.

“Show off.” She muttered.

“Only for you.” His feet kept moving until Musa found her back pressed against one of the bookcases, her fingers tugging and tangling themselves in his hair as he pressed a trail of kisses along her jaw, down the column of her neck. They were small chaste kisses, ones that had pulling his hair in encouragement. His groans hummed against her skin, sighs of pleasure escaping her lips until she suddenly felt his teeth graze her skin.

“Fuck.” She breathed out, head thrown back against the bookcase as his hands squeezed her thighs.

“Found you.” He murmured with a smirk, lightly biting down on the small spot between her neck and her collarbone once again, groaning a little at the sound that escaped her mouth. She wasted no time in tugging his head back, her lips desperate to find his once again as he pressed himself against her further, his fingers trailing up and down her thighs.

A shiver ran down her spine as she pulled back a little, Riven instantly leaning forwards to try and catch her lips once again but a light tug of his hair was enough for him to lean back a little. He looked up at her, finding some pride in seeing her flushed cheeks and dishevelled hair, his eyes trailing down further to notice the little marks appearing on her neck.

“I swear to god if you tell me this is something you do with all your friends—” He muttered against her skin, his forehead leaning against her chest as he pressed a few little innocent kisses on her skin.

“Nah, you just got some special best friend privileges.” She teased him, her fingers running through his hair as she leaned back against the bookcase, taking a few moments to just catch her breath and hope the burning in her cheeks would die down.

“Lucky me.” He hummed appreciatively, giving her thighs one last squeeze before he let her down. Once her feet were on the ground, his hands trailed up her sides before he cupped her face, a small crease forming in between his eyebrows.

“What?” Her hands rested on his wrists as she watched him carefully, practically hearing the clogs turning inside his head. He just shook his head, lips jutted out slightly in a contemplative pout.

“Just when I think I’m starting to understand you, you do something that completely throws me off.” He muttered, his thumbs lightly brushing against her cheeks which only flushed brighter at his comment.

“I’m full of surprises.”

“I happen to quite like surprises.”

“Think you can handle me?” She countered, eyebrow cocked up. She was daring him, challenging him, just how he liked it. That’s what he liked. Musa was reliable and yet so unpredictable at the same time. It kept him on his toes, kept him guessing. Yeah, he definitely liked that.

“Guess we’ll just have to see.” He retorted with a smirk tugging on his lips. Musa simply laughed, leaning into his touch. Her eyes fluttered close when she felt his lips press a kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m sorry.” His breath tickled her skin as she opened her eyes once again, looking up at him with her brows raised slightly.

“Wow, two apologies in one day? Someone pinch me.” She murmured with a small smile but he didn’t return the favour.

“I…it’s just…I’m not good at these kinda things,” He muttered and she gave his wrists a squeeze of encouragement. “And I’m gonna fuck up…a lot and I just…I don’t want you to make a decision you’ll regret.” He told her quite bluntly. “I’m not exactly an easy person, Musa.”

Her expression softened a little as she pulled his hands away from her face and took them in her own. “I like you, Riven. The fact you can be an asshole sometimes doesn’t change that.”

Riven smiled at her words, and not his usual cocky smirk. A genuine smile. One that made Musa’s brighten up a little. “I guess I like you too despite the fact you’re basically a rip-off Mantis.” He teased, laughing a little when she gave him a shove. Bloom really had to stop introducing Earth pop-culture to him.

“Whatever, wanker.” She scoffed, grinning widely. He only winked in response, arm thrown over her shoulder and intertwining with her hand as they began to head towards the library exit. “Hey, Riv?”

“Hm?”

“If you ignore me like an asshole again, I will tell everyone that you get _excited_ whenever you talk to Dowling.”

“You’re evil.”

“And don’t you forget it.” 


End file.
